Saturday, January 14, 2012

Seek First the Kingdom

Matthew 6:31-33
Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

This past year has been full of exercising, eating just right and worrying about how I'm going to lose this last bit of weight. Quite honestly, it consumed my life. And it showed. I lost all but the last 5lbs... Only to gain it back just months later because of a faulty thyroid.
This has been a struggle since my youngest was born. I just can't seem to get my body to cooperate with me. It's been exhausting, frustrating, and seemingly hopeless.
As I mentioned in my first entry, God gave me a scripture for this year. This scripture, tells me not to worry about what I'm going to eat, drink or wear. It tells me to seek God, His kingdom and His righteousness, and all those other things will be given to me as well.
As I read this verse, the conviction of the Holy Spirit met me. In this moment, I realized that my pursuit of the "right body" had become an idol. I desired that victory over my weight more than time with Jesus, more than quality time with my family. I wanted it more than anything.
You can imagine my dispair as the weight came bounding back. I felt betrayed. I gave my everything for months to my body. All my attention, dedication, even money for clothes to accentuate its positive atributes; how could it turn on me after all I've done?

Putting my happiness and my hope in anything but Jesus will always land me in a similar position.
Despair. Hopelessness. Wanting.

Matthew 6 says that people who don't know Jesus run after these things. Wow. Where does that put me?

The beauty of His conviction is the love that enfolds it.
He disciplines the ones he loves. :)

Notice that the verse ends with instructions.
"SEEK ME!" it seems to cry out to my spirit. "Come after me. I will give you all you need."
What hope! What love!
I can live without a perfect body. But a life focused on The Kingdom and God's beauty and His perfect love... that is something I am not willing to be without.

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